EGYPT

Please all stand behind Egypt and let them get rid of this traitor!

General updates

I'm really trying hard to catch up with all the blogs I haven't read yet and it's taking forever. How do you people do this? Seriously, how do you manage to read through so many blogs, leave comments and still write something meaningful in your own? I wish I had been introduced into the blog world back in 2007 where I had plenty of time after work and spent most of my time in front of that damned TV eating snacks, getting fat and feeling horrible about it. But lucky for me, I came back to life in mid 2008, lost all that weight (which really wasn't all that much) thanks to a small incident of food poisoning and a summer filled with beaches and swimming. Now, I've way too much on my plate, but I can see that starting next week I should have more time.

This week is my last week at work and then I'm done, back in the unemployment line (not really, I'll laze around at home looking for jobs online instead). My replacement finally arrived today and I would like to talk about that, but I figured I'll be a big person today and I won't. I've been handing over my job and honestly, I felt nothing as I taught her all those wonderful, soul-murdering things I do. I also emptied out most of my desk, giving away stationary to my colleagues and tearing up useless documents, but that part was kind of sad. It's been almost seven years of my life and it feels really weird. I can't really get my head around it.

I've started my German classes, three times a week for three hours, so that takes up a big chunk of my day and with work, I barely have time for much else.

The good news, I got my first interview on Tuesday and I'm really excited about it. It's a job that I think I would really like to do, so I'm feeling very optimistic about it and I really hope I do well, but I want and need this job, so wish me luck every body.

That's all I got for now. I'm off to bed.

Feelings.

So where was I? Yes, delving into emotions and feelings, the topic most men fear the most. Well I promise not to get cheesy or overly dramatic, but I don't guarantee anything.....

Everything was going smoothly, I picked him up from the airport the night he arrived and the first week sped by so fast I hardly noticed. There were lots of parties, family lunches and hanging out with friends and I was loving it and then the day of the party came rolling by. I woke up and felt fine, just another day. I tidied up the house, did some errands, nothing out of the norm. I think it really sunk in when I went to go get my nails done. As I was sitting there waiting for my turn it suddenly hit me that I was getting engaged. I started getting nervous and all I really wanted to do was run right out of there but kept put and waited. Got my nails done and went home to find my sister in law waiting for me to my hair and while she was doing it I was in some sort of trance. I was pale faced and really not all there. My sister in law started worrying, she thought I didn't like my hair (which was great by the way) and as time came closer, I really started to panic. I was running from room to room, smoking way to many cigarettes and just really freaking out. And every time the door bell rang, my heart would beat faster.

Once the party got started, everything was okay, I was nervous a little but otherwise panic for nothing really, I was a bit of drama queen really and I'm starting to worry that I'll completely flip when it comes to the wedding and I"ll be like one of those bride-zilla's (very likely I'm thinking).

But the real emotions came after that. There's something about wearing an engagement ring that freaks me out. I think it's the fact that I feel like I"m growing up, or the fear that I might be losing part of myself but deciding to share myself with someone. I don't know. I'm happy but there are times what I wonder to myself about whether or not I'll make a good wife, a good mother if we have children. I keep playing scene in my head of things I did wrong or things I shouldn't have said and I think that worries me the most. What if I'm not a good wife? What if he changes his mind? I guess I should cross that bridge when I get to it but I'm also highly paranoid, so that doesn't help...

I think at the end of the day, this marriage is a means to an end. It the means that will get us where we want to be, living together permanently and that's really what I want.

Back to Life (online life that is)

It's been more than two weeks since I've written and I have to admit that I did miss it. I know this goes against my whole attempt to post something everyday but I've been so busy that I honestly could not find the time to even turn on a computer, let alone blog. My boyfriend was in town and we were just swamped with things to do, between attending weddings, seeing family and friends, and throwing an engagement party, there was actually very little alone time for us, but we loved every minute of it. I don't know how I could've done all this if I had actually been working while he was here, I'm really glad I wasn't.

So now I'm back to the blog world and I'm back to the job hunting. I've been sending out my resume left, right, and center and now it's all about playing the waiting game. I've started German classes, three times a week, so that's keeping me busy as well. All in all, it's quite good.

I still don't recognize my hand with my pretty little engagement ring and it feels really weird to have it on all the time and not take it out. I'm generally a ring person but I've never really worn a ring on my ring finger and it feels kind of strange. All of a sudden a feel all grown up. I still can't refer to him as my fiancée and I prefer to call him my boyfriend. He feels the same way so at least I know it's not just me. The day of the engagement party was a rollercoaster of emotions and even after that I felt like I was battling so many mixed feelings. But it's late tonight and I feel like going to bed. I'll start catching up on all the blogs I haven't read and I really hope that people have taken time off blogging with Christmas and New Year. I'll delve into mixed feelings tomorrow.

Good night bloggers and sweet dreams

Plucking Hairs

Isn't it strange that woman have to go through so much pain just to look good?

Since I've got a lot special occasions coming up, I decided to go and get my nails done. I generally don't bite my nails but I have a nasty little nervous habit of biting on the skin around my nails, which really hurts and let's face it, looks like crap, so I have to go in regularly to get a manicure to clear that shit up so I have nothing to chew on. Anyway, that's not the topic of this post. Getting a manicure is fine and isn't painful at all (as a matter of fact, it feels nice and can be quite relaxing) but while I was there, I decided to get my eyebrows done at the same time. I generally do this at home (which is painful enough) but I'm not too picky about it (I can't be too bothered and since I don't have a uni-brow, I think it's good enough). So the lady started working on my eyebrows and damn, that was painful as shit. I was going to pass out from the pain on seat, seriously. It might've had a little bit to do with the fact that I hadn't eaten all day, but still, that shit is painful. When I opened my eyes I couldn't see at all, it was like my sight was directly related to my eyebrows.

The pain doesn't stop there. Any woman who was gotten a wax or worse, a bikini wax knows exactly what I'm talking about. Why do we have to go through so much pain? We go on and on about woman's rights and that we don't want to be put in traditional roles, then why the hell do we go through all that trouble in order to please our men?

I'm just throwing this out there, but I'm completely conditioned to do all those things and I don't think I'll ever stop, I just want to hear what you think...

Conflict Resolution

I learned something today, I have a really big mouth. I know I've always had this problem ever since school. Things just spurt out of my mouth uncontrollably and no matter how hard I try to change, I can't. I can't control the stuff that comes out of my mouth, it's like my mouth functions independently of my mind. I had written about something similar a few days ago when I was really mean to the boyfriend and today, well my big mouth got me in trouble again.

There's been lots of talk around the company about me leaving and all that jazz and I have to admit, I've indulged in office gossip and bitching but because my leaving caused such an uproar in the company, people cannot stop talking about it and they can't stop bitching to management about the decision. This of course made my soon to be ex-manager have a “talk” with me. Needless to say, I did not like the talk. There was not much to say really and I don't understand why talked to me anyway, if people are pissed off because of their actions, what am I supposed to do about it? Defend them?

The perfect course of action would to keep my mouth shut or as my boyfriend puts it, I should've gone all out. Either one would've been better than my conflict avoidance technique. I'm starting to think denial is not the answer to all my problems. The truth is I'm terrified of conflict. I just really don't like it. It freaks me out and my mind draws a complete blank and I retreat deep inside myself and I take all the shit that everyone throws my way and then in retrospect, I sit and I think of all the smart and witty things I could've said.

Anyway, there's no use bitching about it, at least she's taken time off for the holidays and that means I won't see her until it's time for me to leave work and that's the silver lining.