High Hopes - Pink Floyd

Since I'm constantly a victim to the disappointment of high hopes, and today is just one of those days, I though it would appropriate to post the lyrics to this song

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun

Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway
Do they still meet there by the Cut

There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide

At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we've been so many times

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river

Forever and ever

Seagan

I think the urban dictionary is a very interesting site to be surfing... and here's a word that I found amusing straight from the urban dictionary, Seagan:

A modified vegan who also eats seafood. Distinguished from a pescetarian in that they do not eat eggs or dairy.
Yo...do we have any vegans coming to the BBQ?

No...I think they are all seagans now so as long as you aren't using butter on the shrimp kabobs we are cool.

The thing is, I tend to be pretty picky when it comes to food and there's lots of things that I won't eat, but for the most part, it's really because I just don't like the way it tastes, but what I don't really get are vegetarians, vegans, and now apparently seagans. I don't understand the principle of it. I'm all for animal rights and I love animals, I really do (of course I do also like some of them on my plate as well, but that's another matter), but what about the plants? Don't they have feelings? Don't they have rights? Aren't plants the lungs of this planet, the reason why this planet still exists after all our destruction? Why is it okay to eat them?

As a matter of fact, animals are are pretty damaging to th-e environment, unlike the plants. For example, cows' farting and burping give off enough harmful methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 litre bottles. Apparently it is believed that animal methane accounts for 18% of the greenhouse effect. That means that the world is getting hotter because of those animals burping and farting.

We shouldn't be part of the problem, we should be part of the solution. We're the top of the food chain, and so I say we should eat more of them. More cows on my table please!

YEE-HAA!

It's a fast paced world we live and there never seems to be enough time to do anything. Everyone is always in a rush and no matter how fast things are done, it's not enough. It always needs to be bigger, better, cheaper, and most importantly faster.

That is all fine, but if that's the case, then why, why, why do we need to have so many god-damn meetings, teleconferences, discussions and presentations? I had to sit through three and a half hours of meetings today that could've all been summarized in three short emails. What I don't understand is, if management has already decided something, why do they bother to pretend to take my opinion? Why don't they just tell me what the hell it is they expect me to do and I'll just freakin do it. Why must I be involved in the decision making when the decision has already been made?They say it's to get my buy-in. So basically they want to trick me into thinking that I'm important, that my opinion matters, and that way, when they go completely disregard my opinion, I can feel better about myself because at least I was a part of it... My question is, does it really work? Do people really “buy into” that?

What's worse is that they expect me to insult people in the same way so I have to sell their brilliant ideas to those people at the lower levels and I must pretend to be in agreement, like if senior management believe in it and middle management believe in it, then it must be the right way to go. Do they really think people are that simple? If they want to treat us like cattle, then they might as well be up front about it. Sure, I'll be slow, dim-witted, with virtually no opinion, just don't try to tell me otherwise. It's their company after all, I just want to get paid. So I say, stop wasting my damn time and let's get on with it.

I want my MTV

What I want to know is when did MTV stop being about the music and why? It's called Music Television people! I don't want to see cheap reality shows about spoiled little brats who plan extravagant birthday parties where their parents spend enough money to feed an entire African nation. Nor do I want to see a show about some random people caught up in some strange and sick love triangle, or some desperate girls throwing themselves at some bachelor, or some desperate guys for that matters. Now I don't want to diss the people who do watch these shows, but can't they watch them on some other channel? Can't they see this stuff on E! or something? Or I know, create a whole new channel called If you don't have a life of your own.

Anyone who grew up in the 80's and the 90's would remember how exciting MTV was when it came on the air. It was exciting stuff man and we spend hours watching those videos. For a time, I don't think we saw anything else. It was the only way to find out about new artists, new albums and new music, there was no internet back in those days. But today, MTV has sold out. There are no more music videos anymore... sure they play a few in the early hours of the morning, but who's up that early anyway? No, MTV has gone commercial people and it saddens me to say this, but video is dead, just like the radio star.....

Work Hard, Play Hard

Why is it that whenever the boss is not around the work atmosphere is so much more pleasing? I've realized that no matter how open and outgoing a manager is, there will always be that barrier that prevents subordinates from having fun at work. We all put on a mask to display a little more seriousness, a little more dedication when we feel like we're being watched. That's not to say that subordinates are not serious or dedicated when they're manager is away, but for some reason there is a mis-guided notion that working cannot be fun and if we seem to be having fun, then we must not be working enough.

Some managers have strange ways of evaluating employees and what I've come to realize is that there is absolutely nothing objective about employee evaluations, no matter what systems are in place or how much they try to objectify it. It is purely subjective and there are so many ways to get around it. I once had a manager who gave me a bad evaluation because I talked too much to my colleagues while working and laughed too much. Another manager told me I would never get ahead in the company because apparently I looked too young and that I had to do something to change that. What did he expect me to do, highlight my hair white to show premature aging? Since when did looking young become a drawback?

Wouldn't people be more willing to do things and go the extra mile if they were happy and having fun? When I first started working, I loved my co-workers and we had so much fun together that we stayed late almost every day. We worked really hard and we loved it. I don't think I've ever worked harder and I had a brilliant time doing it. I want one of those jobs where we're supposed to have fun. Why do I have to hate what I do to be a good performer?

Billy Part 10

The crescent moon rose slowly in the horizon above the empty plains, casting a small sliver of cold light that did little to illuminate the land. There was nothing in sight but emptiness and somewhere from a distance, a lonely wolf howled in hunger. There would be no food tonight. It had been an exceptionally hot summer and the animals that had not been hunted by the beasts of prey had died of thirst. The streams ran dry and the grass had burnt under the scorching heat of the sun. This was a summer unlike any other, a summer of pain and death that had ravished the land with such speed that there was little time to escape. Flourishing towns were now abandoned and left behind and the roads were littered with bodies, of humans and animals alike, no one had the energy or the time to bury them.

A lonely house stood at the edge of the plains just within reach of the dying trees of the forest oblivious to the death surrounding it. Despite the heat, a thin stream of smoke was steadily rising out of the chimney and the fire lit inside danced brightly from the windows. Inside the house sat two children at a large wooden table, kneeling on their chairs. In front them was a board with small wooden pieces, intricately carved into animals with such skill that they almost seemed lifelike. They sat in solemn silence facing each other staring at the board in concentration. The girl gently fingered the miniature wolf in front of her, running the tip of her finger over the ridges across its back and then with a smile, moved the token across the board and smiled triumphantly. Her little face was bright with glee and her soft golden curls bounced gently as she moved her head. The boy in front of her frowned and bit his lip. Outside, the wolf howled again.

Broken hearted...

My heart is breaking again, over and over again... and I don't understand how this happens every single time he leaves. I cannot get used to the idea of not being with him even though I'm not with him most of the time. I need him desperately and it tears me apart to watch him walk away. I stand and stare at his back and even though he looks over his shoulder, every time he turns away I hold my breath until he does it again.

There is nothing that will stop my breaking heart other than being with him once and for all...

I wish I could share what I'm feeling right now, but I can't. There are no words to describe the magnitude of my pain.

Stats...

I love this new functionality the got on blogger now where you can see the statistics of people checking out the blog. I'm not sure how new this functionality is, but I only recently discovered it and I've been obsessed with it ever since. I can't help it. I keep checking to see how many hits I've had, on which posts, from which countries, it's becoming a serious obsession (could this obsession replace my smoking habits? No... not likely). And I know, I know, that hits don't necessarily mean that people are actually reading it, it just means that they've seen it, but still... it gives me hope that someone out there might actually be reading this...

What even greater about it, is that I can track when/if my boyfriend checks this blog and then bitch about it when he doesn't. If he doesn't support me, then who will, right? Right. So this post is going out to my boyfriend since I know he hasn't read my blog in the last couple of days (today included).

Start reading.... otherwise there will be consequences!

Everyone else who's reading this, thank you!

Addictions

I still want the cigarettes and I'm really starting to wonder if I'll ever get rid of my addiction. So far the quitting has not been as successful as I had hoped and I've had a few cigarettes here and there. I resist the temptation to buy cigarettes every day because at least if I don't have any, there's less of an opportunity to smoke. What scares me, I think, is that today I really forgot why it was that I wanted to quit smoking. I really felt like I didn't want to quit and I fear that after all this progress, I might take it up again.

Why did I want to quit smoking in the first place? There's the health reason of course, but since I haven't really felt the affect of that yet (thankfully) it doesn't seem as the most pressing. Then there's the smell, the looks of disgust from non-smokers, the tiny little rooms filled with smoke in airports, the list goes on... but I think the reason I really wanted to quit was that I didn't want to feel the addiction anymore, the constant need for the next smoke.

If this is how I feel about cigarettes, I wonder what it would be like I did hard-core drugs?

Employee Engagement

Now here's a 20th century term that I absolutely hate and my skin crawls every time a manager in my company uses it. What the hell is employee engagement anyway and how well can you really measure it?

My company has this survey once a year to measure employee engagement. It's supposed to be an anonymous survey, although I highly doubt it, and it has all these questions about the company, the managers, etc... a way to gauge employee attitude towards the job. Now there's nothing wrong with that per se, however, I find the questions there to be quite leading and somehow never seem to touch upon any of the subjects that really matter. They really only ask about the good stuff and every year they come up with some more questions to make us feel like they're really trying to make a comprehensive survey, but in fact, it's not comprehensive at all. And then, what they do is, the managers go around "encouraging" people to do the survey and they get really upset when there's someone in the department who hasn't done it. What if I don't want to fill out the survey? What if I don't care enough to do it? I'm entitled to that right, aren't it?

Of course, after all that "encouragement", they congratulate themselves and everyone else because we've had a 100% response rate and take that as a sign that everyone is truly engaged. When the results come out, we all sit around and discuss them, where whatever anonymity vanishes into thin air, and they promise to do something about the issues raised, and that's it. We don't hear anything about it again until the following year when we have to fill out the stupid survey again... And guess what, nothing's changed.

Well I'm not doing it anymore... I'm not going to fill out the stupid survey and give them the 100% response rate. I'll be the one employee who is not engaged and that's that...

Treachery

A single candle burnt dimly in the middle of a small, dark room providing very little light. Two men sat facing each other across an old, well worn wooden table in uncomfortable silence. The nobleman was nervously fingering the hilt of his sword as it hung from his belt. He would not be able to use it if the man in front of him decided to kill him, he would not have time to unsheathe it before a knife would be buried in his chest, but even as he knew this, he felt comfortable knowing the sword was his side.

The assassin knew this and he knew it well. He sat with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs stretched out before him. He had not removed his cloak when he had entered into the room and his hood was pulled low over his face. He did not allow his employers to his face, there was no need for it.

- "Are we agreed?" the nobleman said breaking the silence.
- "We are, half the payment now, and half after the deed is done. The king and his adviser will be dead within a fortnight." The assassin's voice calm and cold. The nobleman sensed a metallic edge to it that made him shiver. Reaching into his tunic, he extracted a heavy pouch and laid it on the table in front of the assassin. The assassin nodded his head slightly in acknowledgment but did not reach for it. There was no need to count it, he knew it was right. The silence settled between again for a few moments and the nobleman began to feel uneasy, he wanted to leave, leave quickly. Finally, the assassin leaned forward in one swift movement and grasped the nobleman's arm tightly. The nobleman gasped and he felt a chill creep up his arm but he held still. He found himself staring into two green luminous eyes that seemed to shine from inside the shadows of the assassin's cloak. The gaze made him feel uncomfortable but somehow he could not look away. As he struggled to free himself, the assassin spoke in his cold, metallic voice and said, "Just remember, the wizard's staff is mine," and before the nobleman could react, the assassin released his hand and retreated into the shadows. Without seeing him leave, the nobleman knew that the assassin had left. He shivered in disgust, he picked up the candle and left the room quickly, silently closing the door behind him.

100th Post

Today is the 100th post. It should be a great milestone but it doesn't feel that (maybe because I haven't written anything decent in the last couple of days) and I probably should have a fantastic post to mark making it this far, but I don't. I don't seem to be in the mood of writing these days, or more precisely, I'm not making enough time for it. I'm doing it as an afterthought instead of going out of my way to write, finding a nice quiet spot where there are no distractions.

The more and more I do this, the more and more I'm starting to resent it. It makes me feel like new year resolutions... which never really last, but somehow this one is sticking it through... maybe because it wasn't made on new year's. Maybe there is something about new year's itself that makes people want to break their resolutions... the marking of a year that has gone by, time that you will never have again and really, how well do we spend our years? Are we really making the best of the time that's given to us? Or do we waste them away sitting in offices, boring meetings, small talk with strangers, driving in traffic, and all those other things that are so good at wasting time? In one year, how often do we take the time to do something that we like? Something that makes us truly happy?

Billy.....

It's been a few days since I've written about Billy, but he crosses my mind often. There's a lot I want to do with Billy and I think that there is some potential and I have great ideas for him, but I'm a little bit concerned about copyright issues. What if Billy becomes a great story and someone just nicks it? Am I just paranoid, or is it possible? Is Billy great?

Or is this just another way for me to not finish something I started?

Unfortunately, Billy is all that's on my mind right now and I don't want to write about anything else... but my paranoia is stopping me....

Maybe I should start something new completely....

I think being on vacation is bad for my writing... it's giving me writers' block again...

Die Hard

I'm not a big fan of TV. In fact, I hate TV and I think it's the curse of our generation. I read somewhere (I can't remember where now) that we burn more calories sleeping than we do watching TV. It just goes to show you that sleeping is better than being a vegetable. Nevertheless, I do find myself watching TV from time to time, and as I was flipping through the channels today, I finally rested on Die Hard which I've seen like ten thousand times. I must admit that I have soft spot for ol' Brucy... There's something about that man that just gets to me, and like Sean Connery, he seems to only get better with age. Ever since those days of Moonlighting I can't seem to get enough of him. I think he's the only man I've seen who can make balding look good.

I must admit that the Die Hard series aren't exactly the most fabulous and to be honest, they're a little over the top, kinda like Rambo, where it's one guy against the world and somehow this one guy ends up on top. In a way the series remind of Macgyver, the show that captured the hearts of many children who believed they could diffuse a bomb, escape from a basement while handcuffed and gagged, and somehow get rid of the bad guys using nothing more than a screwdriver, a piece of string, and some chewing gum. It turns out that the world Macgyver has actually become a verb, which I find is oddly interesting. The example found in Wikipedia is "The car broke down but he MacGyvered a fix to get home" and this isn't even an urban dictionary definition.

How would someone go about making up a word? Could I make up a word? Is it the number of times people use the word? What are the criteria? I want to make up a word too....

No blog post today...

Don't bother reading... there's nothing to write about today....

maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

Procrasturbation

A friend of mine posted this on his wall in facebook and I thought it was hilarious!

According to the Urban Dictionary it means: procrastinating by masturbating!

The Urban Dictionary is also kind enough to give interesting examples:

I don't want to do my homework so I procrasturbated

No, I haven't started the paper, I've been procrasturbating

I didn't feel like working on my novel so, instead, i just lay around procrasturbating

Tim never did his homework and eventually failed chemistry due to his constant procrasturbation when he was supposed to be studying

The question is, would anyone really use this word? How honest are people about their masturbating habits?

Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas

Music has always been a really big part of my life and even though I have no musical talent whatsoever (I can't even whistle) that has never stopped me from singing, even when I know I'm completely out of tune. This next song is one of my favorites to sing because it's just so much fun and since I was listening to it on the way home tonight, I thought it appropriate to post it here...

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening
But they fought with expert timing

They were funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It's an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening
But they fought with expert timing

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening
But they did it with expert timing

(repeat)..make sure you have expert timing
Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning

Mister Tactful

For all the single ladies out there (and some men) there's nothing better than a bad setup. It really gives you a rich variety of stories to chose from at dinner parties. All those do-gooders out there who like to set people up really provide a person with enough comic relief to last a lifetime. This next guy was a real winner.

Since I am getting older, but definitely not wiser, a friend of mother's decided that it was necessary for me to find me a nice boy to settle down with and it's always the people that our mothers pick for us that somehow seem extremely incompatible.

I answered my cell phone when it rang with a little bit of apprehension, I had no idea what to expect but I should've known it wasn't going to be good. For starters, the moron got my name wrong, right at the beginning of the conversation. Now, how difficult is it really to remember the name of the person you want to go out on a date with? If you're gonna call a girl up, get her name right. Hint: women do not like being called by someone else's name. I corrected him and let it slide. We started talking casually and a then a few minutes into the conversation, he got my name wrong again! Seriously, how difficult is it? Could someone in their thirties have Alzheimer's?

At this point, I'm a little bit put off. It's not that big a deal, it's not like we've been dating for a while or screaming out the wrong name in bed, but it makes you wonder if his mind is not already occupied by someone else. We talk casually for a few more minutes, and then he asks me if I had a cold because my voice sounded stuffy. I admit, I don't have the most attractive voice and at times it borders on masculine, but still, really? You tell a girl you don't know something like that? And what if I have a bad voice, I could be drop dead gorgeous for all he knows. If there is one thing I could deduce from this conversation is that the guy lacks tact. No tact whatsoever, thank you very much.

Needless to say, I didn't go out on a date with him. Funny thing is though, the guy called me a couple of weeks later to tell me he started seeing someone else, just in case I was holding my breath waiting for him or something.

Like I said, completely tactless... next thing you know, he'll be calling me fat... No thank you.

Blogging....

I think I'm really sick and tired of this blog thing. There was a point in time when I was really getting into it and I felt that it was really making a difference to my writing routine, but now I'm just sick of it. It feels like too much of a commitment and I don't know if I could do it, or should do it.

Could I back down now without losing face? I don't think I want to do it anymore... It really feels like a chore as I sit there every day trying to think of something new to blog about. Some days, I just don't have it in me to write.

Should I give up this blog altogether and put it on the shelf along with every other project I've started and never finished?

Billy Part 9

As they navigated the narrow alleyways, Billy’s mother began to notice small and subtle differences. The alleys became wider and cleaner, the houses were better kept and the smell of waste was not as pungent. The deeper into town the ventured, the more evident were the signs of wealth around them. Eventually the alleys turned into streets that were paved with stone. The houses that lined these streets were made of grey stone, strong and stable structures. Both Billy and his mother found that their breathing came easier here and they relaxed somewhat. The faint light from the sunset was quickly fading and all around them little lights appeared from the shuttered windows of the houses as people lit their lanterns. It wasn’t before long when Billy’s mother saw the cathedral from between the houses. The street they walked opened up into a big square and the entrance of the cathedral was on the opposite side. Billy’s mother tugged at her son’s hand lightly and urged him forward quickly. She wanted to get inside the cathedral before the night had fully set. This was a strange town and they had nowhere else to turn to and very little money, the priest at the cathedral was sure to take them in. As the approached the square, a figure appeared at the end of the street and blocked their way. Billy’s mother stopped so suddenly that Billy bumped into her back and she almost fell to the ground. Behind them the mule snorted. For long moments all three of them stood in silence and then the figure walked towards them. Billy’s mother was unable to move and her son whispered to her in ear questioningly. She felt terribly afraid. It was dark and there was no one in sight. She watched the stranger approach and was unable to see the face inside the hood. The stranger stopped a few feet away from them and spoke.
“We’ve been waiting for you. We thought you would not come.” He spoke softly and there was no menace in his voice.
“You must be mistaken sir. We are just lonely travelers and we have no business here. We are on our way to the cathedral, if you let us pass, we will be on our way.” Billy’s mother responded with a quivering voice. The stranger stood unmoving as if he had not heard her. She took a few steps forward and then stopped. The stranger did not move out of their way. Feeling a little more than afraid now she looked behind her, it was too far away to turn around now.
“Sir, we have no money, there is nothing of value with us. Please let us pass.” Her voice was almost pleading and still the stranger said nothing. It was Billy who spoke next his voice strong and confident, “I have come”, he said. “I have come just like you have bid me to come.” Her mother turned to stare at her son just as the stranger closed the distance between them. He took a hold of Billy’s hand pulling him close and ran his other hand over Billy’s face. The movement was so quick that Billy’s mother barely had time to respond and just as quickly the stranger pulled away and took a few steps back. The hood had fallen away from his head and Billy’s mother could see him grinning in the faint light of the street. He took her hand in his and held it tightly. “Come with me, this way and quickly,” he said. Quickly he moved away half dragging Billy’s mother behind him. They moved away from the square and away from the cathedral. Billy’s mother tried to protest but could not. Billy followed behind them, holding on to his mother’s hand tightly and with an inexplicable grin on his face.

As Good as It Gets

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is defined in wikipedia as is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by a combination of such thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions). Symptoms may include repetitive hand-washing; extensive hoarding; preoccupation with sexual or aggressive impulses, or with particular religious beliefs; aversion to odd numbers; and nervous habits, such as opening a door and closing it a certain number of times before one enters or leaves a room.

There are of course obvious signs of OCD such as the famous role of Jack Nicholson in As Good as It Gets but I think all of us suffer from some degree of OCD. We all have these compulsive habits that we can't seem to break. I remember coming out of a friend's house one day and then was shocked to see her lock and unlock the door three times. She explained that it was to make sure the door was locked. I remember how strange I thought that was and laughed inwardly (I'm sorry), but soon after I started noticing my own obsessive compulsive behaviors, like arranging my books in order of size or sorting a deck of cards after every time they're used. It doesn't matter if they need to be reshuffled again later and the task becomes more cumbersome, I can't help it. An unsorted deck of cards drives me insane.

I believe that all these quirky little habits are what make people interesting, but when do these habits take over? When do they start making life difficult and complicated? And can you put a stop to them before it gets too late? Is there really a cure? When do we become Melvin Udall?

Billy Part 8

She didn’t understand her son’s strange comment but it did not linger in her mind as she started taking in the sights and sounds of the town. All along the inside of wall were stalls where merchants were packing away their wares for the night. The smell of roasted meat mingled with the smell of refuse on the ground beneath their feet. The path wound around the insides of the walls and branched off in narrow alleyways into the heart of the town. It was obvious that this was the poor side of town with the short houses made of wood and mud in sharp contrast to the castle looming above. The muddy road was overflowing with slime and sharp pungent smell made Billy and his mother nauseas. There was a thin crowd of people in street still but their mood was subdued. The day was coming to an end as people began making their way back to the homes or the alehouses. A few guards could be seen walking up and down the road lazily.

The traveler stood in the middle of marketplace unsure of what to do next and slowly began their ascent towards the cathedral. They would seek shelter for the night there, they decided. Billy kept one hand firmly on the mule’s neck and his mother held the other, leading her blind son into the town. She could see the cathedral looming about the houses, dwarfed by the castle beyond it and walked in that direction. Maneuvering the narrow alleys was more difficult that she had expected. This side of the town was crammed with small houses leaning heavily upon one another and the alleys were littered with garbage making it slippery and Billy’s mother feared her son would slip and fall. She tried not to think about that and instead focused all her attention on getting to the cathedral safely. Billy himself was subdued, he had finally began to feel the effect and burden of his blindness as he stumbled, holding on to his mother and the mule for support. He suddenly felt helpless, a feeling that was entirely new to him and it made him feel afraid. He could sense the closeness of the walls and the smells around him irritated his nostrils and his stomach. He felt his head spin as he put one foot in front of the other and he tightened his grip on his mother’s hand, relying on her entirely to bring him to safety.

Coming Back to Life - Pink Floyd

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

Uninspired blog

I have thought long and hard about today's blog and I had settled on writing another edition of the Billy story. But considering the day that I've had, I'm in no mood to write anything. I've been stuck in traffic for at least two hours with the no air conditioning and it was hot and humid today. I was sticky and stinky for half the day and by the time I got home, I felt like I was going to melt. And even after a cold shower, I was still feeling hot and sticky.

So as the an uninspired blogger, I reserve the right to not blog about anything.

So here's my useless post for the day.

PDA

The world is a lonely place. We enter it alone and we leave it alone, so we spend our time in between trying to find love, to fill that gap with people who we care about, people who take the loneliness away and make us feel special. There is no greater feeling than that of being loved and being special. It fills us with that fuzzy, warm feeling deep down in our hearts and we become as light as air, walking on clouds and nothing is impossible.

Love is a grand thing and I am happy for all those who are lucky enough to find love, but, and it is a really important but, I am not happy with people who feel the need to show that love, excessively. The world excessively being key. There's nothing wrong with affection and there is nothing wrong with public display of affection, but I think there is something infinitely wrong with excessive PDA. Why don't couple understand that we don't want to see them cuddle, caress and kiss each other. We are not interested. I understand when a couple is out alone, the opportunity for affection is there and I say, go for it. But I have to draw the line when couples are out with other people and suddenly they feel the urge to touch each other and get all lovey-dovey. No one wants to see that people, seriously! Your friends don't need to know how much you love each other and they don't need to see how you love each other. The cheesiness of it all is just gross and it makes everyone else uncomfortable. Just get a freakin room already and leave the rest of us in peace.

Sore Losers

It takes a lot of courage for a person to admit a loss. Surrender is always difficult and usually the white flag rises after it's been long overdue. To swallow one's pride is a difficult, if not impossible thing, and it takes a very big man, or woman, to back down with grace and leave the battlefield. There might be some dignity in surrender but the glory of victory is like a siren calling out to sailors at sea with promises of pleasure that is beyond their dreams. It is this siren's call that makes it almost impossible to surrender.

Nobody likes a sore loser, they're no fun to play with because they always take the game too seriously. They're aggressive and unyielding. Unfortunately, I am one of those sore loser, if not the worst sore loser in history. If there was a prize for sore losing, I would get it, but it is a prize that promises no pride or glory. After a long day at work and being stuck in traffic for an hour, the game of risk I played to unwind did very little to satisfy me. I lost miserably. I did not surrender with grace nor did I get my glorious victory. I was tempted by the sweet, terrible call of the sirens and have found myself drowning to my doom, swirling in the cold waters of loss, struggling to take a breath and filling my lungs with nothing but icy water. I am drowning alone, abandoned by the ever elusive sirens.

Yes, I do take competition too seriously. Like I said, a sore loser to the very end.

Day 25

They say it takes 28 days to make or break a habit and so it makes sense to assume that if I reach day 28 without smoking, I should be free of my addiction. If that is true, then why do I feel that as day 28 approaches, I’ll want to have a cigarette even more. Quitting smoking has been a real test for me, a test of will power and determination and it has been a very, very difficult test to tell the truth. I am craving a cigarette so much right now and I’m not entirely certain what I should do to resist the temptation. I’ve been thinking of that cigarette for the past three hours and distracting myself is becoming more and more difficult. It is a very good thing that I am meeting a non-smoking friend of mine soon, because if a pack of cigarettes found its way to my table, I would surely take one out and light it up.

I remember watching a stand-up performance by Denis Leary, titled No Cure for Cancer and he made compelling arguments not to quit smoking. I think he said it best when he said "it doesn't matter how big the warnings are or how much they cost, keep raising the prices, we'll break into your houses to get the fucking cigarettes they're a drug, we're addicted". I remember the first time I saw it, I thought to myself; here’s someone who understands what means to smoke and to love to smoke. The fact of the matter is, and as sad as it sounds (yes I do acknowledge that it is sad), I love to smoke. I love everything about it, the feel of the cigarette in my hands, the burning sensation when I take a drag, the smoke that I blow out, and the buzz I get from smoking a cigarette after having spent a long time without smoking. And even though I had many reasons to want to quit smoking, I have forgotten them all. If only I can have that damned cigarette right now, I would have a huge smile plastered across my face….

Billy - Part 7

They kept their brisk pace all throughout the day and although they remained silent, they both bound by a comfortable sense of companionship. Billy’s mother was still grieving for the loss of her son’s sight but she did not show it. She walked on the well trodden road with determination and purpose, she wanted to arrive at Kasar before nightfall. Billy promised her answers at Kasar and that gave her hope. Maybe she could find a healer there, someone who would restore his sight and get rid of whatever demons haunted him. It was thoughts such as these that pushed her on and gave her the energy she needed to carry on.

The road to Kasar was well used and ground beneath their feet was hard and smooth and Billy had no problem keeping the pace without stumbling, his hand firmly on the mule’s neck. As they crested a hill, the walls of Kasar finally came into sight and people could be seen moving in and out of the gates. It was nearing sunset and the traffic on the road was sparse. The distant voices of the town reached the travelers’ ears from below and Billy suddenly became filled with a feeling of anticipation and unconsciously began to quicken his face. The mule brayed in protest as he gripped its mane tightly. His mother put a calming hand on his arm and Billy relaxed his hold on the mule and slowed down noticeably. Taking her son's hand in her own, Billy's mother led her son down the hill and towards the gates.

Kasar was one of the largest towns in the region housing a large castle that rose above the walls with high towers of sparkling white marble which glittered red and purple in the light of the dying sun. The sun was close to the horizon now and from where the travelers stood, it appeared at the left of the castle, a brilliant crimson disc that filled the sky with colors of red, blue, purple and orange. Somehow the sun did not take away from the castle's brilliance, but served only to enhance it. The towers of the castle seemed to capture all the colors and send them flying into the sky that Billy's mother held her breath at the sight, awestruck by its beauty. All other aspects of the town were dwarfed by the castle and the sun, the great walls, the tall stone buildings and even the cathedral with its spiral towers seemed to fade away into nothing. The sight made her stop suddenly and she found herself unable to move. Billy pat her hand gently and whispered, "Mother? Tell me what you see mother. Is it beautiful?"
"Yes my son," she replied, her voice barely a whisper, "it is beautiful." Tears filled her eyes as she tore them away from the image in front of her to look at he son and she wished to give him her eyes so that he could it see it for himself. She swallowed and then began to describe the scene to her son. She watched his face as he listened intently and smiled at the description. When she was finished, he sighed and urged her forward. They walked the remainder of the distance in silence and arrived at the gates just as sun disappeared beyond the horizon. The guards were slowly closing the great iron gates just as they arrived but after a single glance they were allowed to enter. Billy breathed in relief as soon as he was inside the walls and said, "Mother, I am home."

Parachute - Cheryl Cole

I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned
I won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to push me down
They want to see you fall (down)

Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favorite sound
Won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to see us fall
They want to see us fall (down)

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late night and
You are your own worst enemy
You'll never win the fight
Just hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
It's you and me up against the world
It's you and me

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

I won't fall out of love
I won't fall out of,
I won't fall out of love
I won't fall out of,
I won't fall out of love
I won't fall out of,
I won't fall out of love
I'll fall into you

I won't fall out of love
I won't fall out of,
I won't fall out of love
I won't fall out of,
I won't fall out of love
I won't fall out of,
I won't fall out of love
I'll fall into you

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

Risk - The Game of World Domination

Today was the first game of Risk I've played in four years. I happen to like this game a lot but there's a very good reason why I haven't played it in so long. You see, I've been banned from the game by the Risk-Buddies and they haven't let me play ever since. I have tried countless times to convince them to lift the ban, to give me one more chance, but they won't, not even when they're missing a player and it has been eating away at me for four freakin years. Today, I have found a new bunch of Risk-Buddies, so to those so-called friends of mine who banned me: IN YOUR FACE!

My siblings and I have had this game ever since I can remember and we still have it. It's a fairly old edition, from back in the 80's, where the pieces where simply Roman numerals and the map of the world was very different from what it looks like today and even though I've played with the newer editions, there's something about the old edition that really gets to me. I don't know if it's just the nostalgia talking here, but the world was a more interesting place to conquer.

What I like most about this game is how alliances develop between individual players and how these alliances are broken, usually with major betrayals. Sometimes you never see it coming, like when you call a truce with a player whose mission is to destroy you, now that's ironic. In a way, I think this game really mimics how the world is run today with agreements here, agreements there, and then a little backstabbing on the side. There's always a twist and at the end of the day, every country is looking out for its own best interest and more often than not, at the expense of another. The slyness and the deception is all a part of it and it is necessary if you want to achieve world domination. Of course in the real world it's not so much world domination as it is domination of the world's important resources. I think most countries have given up on the idea of world domination (I think there's still some countries who haven't gotten to that point yet). That is why countries make peace with countries they hate, and turn a blind eye on the doings of countries that clearly go against their "values". It's all about the resources and as long as you can provide those with power with the resources they need, they will leave you well enough alone. And the power changes too. One day your country can be a super power and the next day another country has replaced yours. So you've got to load up on your resources, defend them well and keep your eyes open all the time.

The most question is however, which country will you side with? Will you be able to make the correct alliances? Or will you make an alliance with someone whose mission is to destroy you?