Saturday, July 31, 2010

Billy - Part 1

His name was Billy.
Billy was 10 years old. He came from an average home, lived in an average house, and went to an average school. He had brown hair, big brown eyes that always seemed surprised, and an innocent smile. Everything about him screamed average, but that couldn't be farther away from the truth. The truth was that Billy was an extraordinary boy living in an extraordinary world that only a few knew existed.

It all started when Billy was born. It was an exceptionally hot summer that year. Billy's mother sat on the terrace fanning herself and drinking some fresh lemonade with her neighbor and complaining about the heat, when suddenly a cool breeze started blowing. It was a soft touch of freshness that was much welcome in the scorching heat, however, soon the breeze turned into strong winds. Just as Billy's mother started to move inside the house, the wind started howling and within seconds the rain began to pour. The two women stared at the sky in disbelief, it had never rained in summer before. Seconds later, little Billy decided it was time. He was born out on the terrace in the middle of an unusual summer storm and as his mother held his tiny body to her chest and smiled, the storm subsided as quickly as it had come.

Little Billy began to grow in the same manner as all young boys. He took his first steps when he was one and soon after started saying his first words. Soon he began to run and sing and play. His mother could not have been more proud.

Auctioned - Dark Tranquility

Outsmart the fever
And take us farther from
The killing life in capsules
A life that can't belong

So if I wake up dead to the world
With the helm at my command
The reaching out of this
Faced tomorrow in the eleventh hour
Beckoned closer
Now as nightfall sends it's grace
Cue to enter the insatiable ideal
Slam it shut but the portal pounding lingers
What it is, is time undone
Cannot falter in the security of labour
Was I supposed to believe?

Where did I sign?
Did I miss the auction?
Where went my life?
Where did I sign?
Did I miss the auction?

Went the half mile
Wondered when the resolution would come
Life became too solid
Diluted by the essence of denial
Caught in fire's eye
The self and filter that is I
My lip was venom
Words formed in my mouth
Hid beneath the tongue
Never to be seen

Where did I sign?
Did I miss the auction?
Where went my life?
Where did I sign?
Did I miss the auction?

Friday, July 30, 2010

The Dreaming Tree - The Dave Matthews Band

Standing here
The old man said to me,
"Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree."
Below it he would sit
For hours at a time
Now progress takes away
What forever took to find
And now he's falling hard
He feels the falling dark
How he longs to be
Beneath his dreaming tree

Conquered fear to climb
A moment froze in time
When the girl who first he kissed
Promised him she'd be his
Remembered mother's words
There beneath the tree
"No matter what the world
You'll always be my baby."
"Mommy come quick,
The dreaming tree has died."
The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
The dreaming tree has died

Oh, have you no pity?
This thing I do
I do not deny it
All through this smile
As crooked as danger
I do not deny
I know in my mind
I would leave you now
If I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk?
Can you take pity?
I don't ask much
But won't you speak, please?

From the start
She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then
For sure she'd make the grade
Adorers came in hordes
To lay down in her wake
Gave it all she had
But treasures slowly fade
Now she's falling hard
Feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart?
She drinks to fill it up
A smile of sweetest flowers
Wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks
That once were so admired
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her,
"You'll always be my baby."
"Daddy come quick,
The dreaming tree has died
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide
The dreaming tree has died."

Oh, if I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk?
Can you take pity?
I don't ask much
But won't you speak, please?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Holiday Post #5

July 24th, 2010

Some word associations....

The beach, the pool, cool summer breezes, full moons, wriggling my toes in the sand, building sand castles, blowing bubbles, feeling the wind in my hair, lollipops, chocolate chip cookies, ice cold sodas, juicy hamburgers, tiny little puppies, lying down on the green grass, pancakes for breakfast, watching the stars, long walks at sunset, watching the sunrise, children's laughter, cartwheels, whistling, singing silly songs, ice cream, midnight swimming, stolen kisses, big bear hugs, candlit dinners, red wine, fireplaces, soft rich rugs, hot chocolate, late night movies, cuddling, popcorn, pillow fights, giggling, heart felt laughter, flowers, meadows, blackberries, strawberries, milkshakes....

Holiday Post #4

July 22th, 2010

It's difficult to find something to write about while I'm on holiday. I suppose I could write about all the sites, the food, the adventures, but this is not like one of those holidays. This is an exceptionally lazy holiday, that involves simply walking around, lying down in the park and eating lots and lots of good food.
I know this city and coming back here is like coming back home...

As a matter of fact, the worse this about this holiday is having to sit here and write this blog when I could be sitting around thinking of absolutely nothing instead.

I think that's exactly what I'm going to do....

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


She lay in his arms as he slept. Her head was on his chest and she could hear his heart beating and she knew that it was beating for her alone. She closed her eyes and slowly caressed his face, feeling her heart ache with the love she had for him. And as she lay there in his arms, she felt the world drift away into nothingness. They were alone, everything had disappeared, only their intertwined bodies and soft, comforting beating of his heart.

It was a long time before she slept. She enjoyed savoring these moments where she felt like she belonged, like he belong to her. She found comfort in his arms, a comfort unlike any she had ever felt before. She felt at peace, that she all her pain and her sorrows had been washed away by his presence and when she finally slept, it was a dreamless sleep, filled with serenity.

She awoke at dawn feeling rested. He stirred with her movement as she raised her head to kiss his cheek and she felt him smile. And that's all she really wanted from life, to make him smile.

Another blog post!

I have nothing to blog about today....
Today was entirely uneventful and unfortunately there is nothing for me to say at this point. I am so exhausted that I just want to crawl up in bed, with the air conditioning on and fall asleep.
And what's with this heat? I don't remember it ever being so hot before and so this global warming thing is really true. All across Europe temperatures are on the rise and it's only going to get worse. As bleak as this sounds, the world is going fast...

Can the earth take anymore of this? Is the damage irreparable? How long will it take for this world to be burnt to a crisp and we have to find somewhere else to survive?

The thought is grim and I'm wondering "what did I do today to decrease my carbon footprint?"

Unfortunately, the answer is: not much... :(

Monday, July 26, 2010


So I've been thinking whether or not it's a good idea to remain completely anonymous. As I was talking to a good friend, he came up with good arguments about why I should start telling people about it, which are mainly:

1- Criticism is good, and I need it to imporve
2- How do I expect to be a writer if I don't want anyone to read my writing

My counter arguments would of course be:

1- I lack the self confidence
2- I fear rejection
3- I don't want to control what I write

Thinking of them now, my reasons seem to be driven mainly by fear, which is really the reason why I started this blog in the first place. To face my fears. The question is, will I ever get over them?

Holiday Post #3

July 21st, 2010

I think it's virtually impossible to writing as part of my routine when it comes to being on holiday and a part of me feels like maybe I should've made exceptions for being on holiday.

But discipline is discipline, so instead of being lazy and just enjoying myself, I'm sitting here writing this.

A teacher of mine once told me an interesting quote from Pablo Picasso "Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working." and I think that there is a lot of truth in that statement. There have been so many times when I have been inspired and where I have thought of countless ideas and scenarios in my head but it was never a convenient moment. It cannot be that I lose a moment of creativity simply because it is inconvenient. And I think having this blog is important in order to capture all these ideas, even those that seem useless and dull.

So vacation or not... the writing continues...

Holiday Post #2

July 20th, 2010

It breaks my heart to see him go. I cannot begin to describe how I feel. The pounding in my chest, the tears that fill up my eyes, the lump in my throat that I can never swallow. I can feel my heart breaking and it physically hurts.

Once, I had read about theory about which pain was worse, physical or emotional. The piece did not come to any conclusion. It highlighted however, the fact that emotional pain leads to physical pain and I get it. I don't know what the scientific explanation is, but I know that it is true.

I know that when he leaves, it physically hurts. My chest feels like it's caving in, that my ribs are like a cage that is getting smaller and my broken heart is swollen and tries to break free of its prison. My breathing becomes strained and shallow as my lungs are pushed to the side, the air is not enough. The cage cannot contain the swelling for much longer. An explosion is eminent and when it comes, my heart will stop.

Holiday Post #1

July 18th, 2010

There was little doubt in her mind as she sped off in the middle of the night, her horse galloping away tirelessly with nothing but the faint glow of the crescent moon to light their way. Her black cloak pulled tightly against her chest, she leaned down in the saddle bringing her body close to horse, feeling its heat and smelling its sweat as it carried her far away from her homeland. Its warmth was comforting and as she closed her eyes, she felt herself relax, leaving all her fears behind her. She breathed in deeply and kept her eyes closed, fully trusting her companion to lead the way to her safety.

The horse ran for hours. It did not tire, it did not stop and as the night dragged on, it could feel its master's needs. The need to get as far away as possible and willfully it obeyed, the connection between them inexplicable.

She awoke with the break of dawn, slumped against the saddle. Opening her eyes to the brightening sky gave her a feeling of hope and as she sat up and took a deep breath, the horse slowed down its pace and neighed in salute. Patting him gently on the neck in reply she steered him to the left towards a clearing in the woods.

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Butterflies....

I feel my stomach tying into knots that are impossible to undo. The nervousness, the anticipation, it´s killing me. I don´t think I can take it anymore.

I feel the adrenaline pumping in my veins and my chest getting tight. My heart skips a beat every so often and I can barely breathe...

It´s the damned butterflies. I can´t seem to get rid of them. They flying around deep inside of me and set my body into hysterics.

And the anticipation.... oh the anticipation of what is to come....

Monday, July 19, 2010

Fun in the Sun...

There´s absolutely nothing better than being on holiday. Sitting around lazing in the park all day in the sun, trying out new food and just being plain old lazy. I wish I was on holiday all the time, but there is one thing that is currently ruining this wonderful playtime... The scorching heat. I don´t remember a summer that has ever been this hot. The hot air makes it really hard to breathe and makes me lazier than I already am....

Which brings me to the subject of global warming. So it´s not a myth afterall. I think this is the hottest summer Europe has ever seen.

Well, my 20 minutes of internet are up and I gotsa run. Off into the scorching sun I go once again, armed with a bottle of water. But I do love summer and I´m thinking some ice cream wouldn´t be so bad right about now. Maybe a dip in the pool....

No better time to buy a swimsuit than the present... Shopping here I come....

Saturday, July 17, 2010

He was striken with guilt at what he had just done. It was an act of ultimate treachery, the worst kind of betrayal possible and every bone in his body screamed in agony. He never knew he was capable of such deceipt. He paced back and forth in his room, his heart pounding in his chest, his pulse racing. He nerves were raw and as the image of his oldest friend floated into his mind, he wanted to scream. What had I done? He thought. He had willingly sent his friend to his death, and for what? For a woman who did not love him, who could never love him. As the sun set outside his window, the magnitude of what he had done struck him. He crumbled to the floor and wept.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Holiday! Celebrate!

I have that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach again. I don't know what it is. It's those damned butterflies.

I'm excited and nervous. I don't know how I feel. The anticipation is killing me.

I'm finally off on holiday.

I'll be going out of town with limited connection to the internet, so there might have to be some offline posts.

Right now all I want to do is go to sleep and wake up tomorrow on a plane.

The butterflies need to stop and just relax. They're driving me crazy.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


She bit her lip as the knife cut smoothly into the skin on her arm. She watched as the blood slowly ran from the open wound, a vibrant red. She exhaled with relief as she pulled the knife away, satisfied with the cut she's made. She stared at the blood as it ran down the sink. Her blood. Her arms were riddled with scars. Scars she made. Scars to relieve the pain. She could feel all the pain and sorrow drain with every drop of blood that left her body and as the bleeding slowly stopped, she sighed.

She had been cutting herself for years. It was the only way she knew how to relieve the pain, the pain of rejection. Somehow, the bleeding made her feel better. It was not a cry for help. It was merely an act that suited how she felt. Scarred and pitiful. Her feelings of self-pity ran deep and her self mutilation was the food that fed the beast that lived inside her. If she wasn't beautiful on the inside, how could she be beautiful on the outside?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


My boyfriend is amazing.....

This post is my boyfriend's idea.

Just wanted to prove to him that one sentence saying "My boyfriend is amazing" does not an amazing blog make.

Meetings, meetings...

I think one of the most things about a desk job is all the meetings you have to attend. Sitting at a desk all day long staring at a screen is boring enough, but meetings... they're a freakin nightmare.

I had to sit through a three hour meeting today to discuss things that I don't give a rat's ass about and that don't affect me or my job in any way. Why was I at this meeting in the first place? Beats me. Because my manager thinks it's a good idea. I spent three hours of my time trying to daydream and constantly got interrupted. A complete waste of perfect daydreaming time. And it's not like I could doodle or anything like that because it's such a small room everyone would see.

From my experience in the corporate world, there's all this talk about efficiency and effectiveness and how it's important to spend each and every moment at work to the greater good of the company, then why the hell do we spend so much time in meetings discussing things that could easily be sorted out through emails. Why do we all have to sit around wasting time? And what's this business about getting employee buy in when it comes to decisions? I hate those meetings because at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what the employee thinks. If management has made a decision already, why are you taking my opinion on it? Do I have a choice? Sure, I could argue against it, but not only will the decision go through anyway, I will be seen as unenthusiastic and negative. It's a lose-lose situation. I think, if they've made the decision already, then just tell me what it is and get on with it. Send it to me in an email which I'll store away somewhere in millions of folders on my desktop and then hopelessly fail to find it later when I need it, but let's face, I won't remember anything that was said in the meeting anyway.

For all the managers out there, we don't need the meetings, just tell us what you want and we'll give it to. There's no need for that kind of torture.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Jinx

For a while now, I’ve thought about this concept of the jinx. Is there really such a thing? Does it exist? A friend of mine once told me to never really tell anyone about the extent of my happiness or how well things are going in my life because then I’ll jinx it, or someone will give me the evil eye. My question is, does such a thing exist? Or is it merrily superstition that has become an intricate part of our lives?

I’m not sure if I have any experience with the jinx but my friend swears that it’s there. The evil eye on the other hand, well, it’s not very scientific but I have reason to believe it exists. I used to know this girl, that every time she admired something, it went bad. It didn’t matter what it was, a watch, a t-shirt, a chain, it would break, tear or get lost. She was a very nice girl to be honest and I liked her a lot, but somehow it was never a good idea to show her anything, or tell her anything for that matter.

As I watched tonight’s final match for the world cup, I thought to myself, could Paul the German Octopus have anything to do with Spain winning? Are it’s predictions a self fulfilling prophecy? Could it have jinxed the players?

I like to think that for the most part I’m not superstitious, that I’m realistic and logical. There has to be a scientific explanation for the jinx, the evil eye and for Paul, the all-knowing (in matter of football at least) octopus. But until that explanation is found, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to risk the important things in my life by exposing them to the jinx. I will keep those things secret. I will hide them away in my heart deep down and I hope and pray that all my dreams come true. Some things are just not worth the risk. Superstitious or not. A part of me lives in the Dark Ages anyway, what with my dragons and demons obsessions, so fearing the jinx can’t be so bad.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Is anyone out there?

It's hard to blog when I've had a completely useless day. I've been slightly better than a couch potato today, I actually did some reading which I've been meaning to do. I've got piles and piles of books that I haven't read yet, and I can't seem to stop myself from buying more without knowing when I'll ever have time to finish them.

I got nothing today. I've thought of writing something creative, but I can't. I think I've had an overdose of creativity from all the reading.

I guess there are some days where I just won't be able to write. It's not writers block, it's just the "not in the mood" to write syndrome, but that is why I must keep on writing. It's all about routine. I can do this. I can keep this up for a year. I can and I will.

I think I'd be more enthusiastic about this if someone was actually reading this. Will no one ever find my blog if I don't tell anyone? Should I maybe start telling people? But wouldn't that limit me? Make me think twice about what I'm writing?

I think if I was to tell people, I'd have to limit the things I write about. I never wanted this to turn into a personal diary, I already have one of those, but there are times when I want to talk about things in my life and I cannot do that if people I know find out the things about my life that I don't them to find out, that they know what goes on in my head, the things that are better off left there.

No, anonymous it is then.... But will anyone ever read this?

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Couch Potato

I hate TV. It's the weekend and I've been staring at the screen for the past 2 hours and I'm thinking to myself, what a brilliant waste of time. I've never been much of a TV watcher and there's no shows that I follow. I haven't seen most of the latest movies, but somehow, when I'm alone at home, I sit there with a coke in my hand and just be brain dead. I don't like it.

I think it's the reason why people get fat, sitting there doing nothing, just receiving information. Apparently, we burn more calories just sleeping than we do watching TV. No wonder people get fat. Brain dead, couch potatoes... TV just reduces us to being vegetables. So what is it about the TV that is so appealing. Why do so many people want to reduce themselves to a vegetable?

I think a part of it has to do with the fast paced world we live in. We work so hard and we're always under so much pressure and stress that TV is really the only time we switch off completely. It is the only time where we just forget about everything and just relax. There is no effort involved in watching TV, none whatsoever. There is some peace in that. That there is a place out there that you can run to, and never have to think of all the things that bother you.

But no one can run forever...

Work work work

It's been a really long day and I'm so glad it's over.

Work has been a little ridiculous lately. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I'm stuck in a department of workaholics and there is no way I can keep up.
My manager sat me down to review my performance and apparently it's not good enough, mainly because I'm not proactive, I don't have ownership, and I'm not passionate about the job. Those three fluffy terms that get you nowhere.

If there's anything I've learned, it's the importance of seeming busy and seeming interested in what you do. Apparently, that's the only thing that counts. One of the main signs that I'm not passionate about my work is that I come on time and I leave on time.
My question is, if I'm not getting paid overtime, why the hell should I not leave on time? Why should I take the time out of my life to make more money for someone who's not sharing the wealth?

The corporate world sucks... Until the next holiday I guess...

Thursday, July 8, 2010

An attempt at personal descriptions...

He saw her as soon as he entered the courtyard. She stood gazing towards the sky above the castle walls watching the clouds gather in the distance. She wore a loose green dress made of the finest silk trimmed in fine gold. The garment did little to hide her tall slender figure, hugging her shoulders and hips gently displaying her frailty. She appeared so small that she might snap like a twig with any sudden movement. Her golden tresses flowed gently past her shoulders and back, swaying gently in the breeze. The heavy waves of her hair caught the faint light of the dying sun and bounced back in a heartbreaking shine. But these weren’t the things that caught his attention. The beauty of her face surpassed any that he had every seen. Her smooth brown skin was tightly stretched over high cheekbones. Her oval eyes were a freckled green surrounded by thick black lashes that seemed to overflow with feeling while her full lips moved in silent prayer. She stood stiffly staring at the sky and as he looked upon her, he could feel his heart stop in his chest for an instant. The pang of immense pain shot though him as he stood there and he was unable to move, paralyzed by the sight of her. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he slowly walked towards her with silent footsteps. She did not turn as he approached but he could see her body tense underneath her dress and as he stood directly behind her, she called out his name. It was the sweetest sound he had ever heard and all he wanted at that moment was to hold her fragile body in his arms and hear her whisper his name again.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


The room was filled with music and laughter. People gathered round the banquet table eating and drinking merrily. The food was plentiful and well cooked. There was wild boar roasted to a golden brown crisp, goose stuff with vegetables, lamb chops in gravy, tender steaks cooked just right, and platters of vegetables and potatoes all around. The table was overflowing with food and even though everyone had eaten their fill, the food was undiminished. Servant girls moved expertly between the guests filling their goblets with wine so that no cup was empty. It was merrily night and there was much cause to celebrate. The war ended, the enemy defeated, it was the beginning of a new era of peace. Their army was invincible, their modest numbers killing the Warlock Lord and driving the enemy deep into the icy north to meet certain doom. There was much to celebrate.

Only one person doubted this victory. She had seen it in her dreams, the Warlock Lord still lives. He cannot be so easily defeated. Lifting her dress to her knees, she walked hurriedly to the banquet hall. There were no guards at the palace gates nor at the door to the hall, they were all celebrating their grand victory. Fools, she thought. Pushing the door open, she was hit by the scent of food and wine, mixed with smoke from the many torches. Briskly she walked between the drunken men towards to head of the table where the king sat laughing heartily. He was big man with a muscular torso. He still wore chain mail underneath his shirt and a dagger strapped to his belt. His beard was long and grey, as was his hair.....

Monday, July 5, 2010

to be continued...

Three canoes sailed down the peaceful river with the current. It was a sunny winter day with clear blue skies and a chilly breeze blowing across the water. The six companions sat quietly in their boats scarcely using their peddles, letting the current take them at its own pace, they were in no rush. They needed to arrive at the city in three days and the trip would normally take two days. They would enjoy the weather and take their time getting there. They needed the rest. They had been traveling continuously for a fortnight with little rest until they had arrived at the hot springs where the river starts up north. It was a difficult journey in harsh weather and uninviting terrain but they managed. They arrived half dead with exhaustion and hunger, the food supplies having almost run out but were met with a warm welcome. Having received news of their arrivals, the elves had prepared rooms for their visitors, heated by water from springs through underground pipes. After the companions had arrived, they were taken to their rooms where washbasins were waiting along with fresh clothes.....

to be continued....

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Bitching about being bitchy....

Bitchiness has always been one of my strong points. I've always been able to bitch and complain about everything and there was a time when I was going through my rebel years when I thought bitching was cool. I must admit that I haven't really shed all my bitchiness yet, and I still find really happy people very annoying, but I'm working on it. I've just recently realized that bitchiness not only brings me down, but brings down everyone else. It's not the most fantastic discovery, I know, and it's something that's plain to see, but it was only recently that I actually came to realize how badly negativity can affect your life.

I still think it's fun to bitch every once in a while and to listen to good bitchers out there, but that's what it should be, one in a while. I know I sound really cheesy but there's just so much out there to be grateful for and we completely forget the little things, and those are the things that count.

My remedy for bitchiness is to find one thing to be grateful for everyday, and it has to be a different thing each day. I think it's taken the edge off my bitchiness a little and even though I continue to be cynical, I think it's really mellowed me out and made me relax. I'm much happier this way, cheesy or not..

In an effort to stop this from becoming an online diary, the next 3 posts will be dedicated creative posts... Let's get those creative juices flowing...


Our last day is over and it breaks my heart. Every time he leaves I feel my heart breaking and even though this time I know I'll be seeing him again very soon, I can't help it. I love him so much and just the thought of not having him around kills me. For some reason it's not really registering that I'm not going to see him tomorrow. I still feel like tomorrow I'll wake up and we'll hang out like we always do. I've gotten used to having him around.

I can feel my heart breaking while I write this. It's killing me. It seems like my endless battle with Time will never end. I've always felt that Time is my archenemy, my nemesis. All my life I have hated Time and it is always out to get me. I have never worn a watch and I never want to. A watch is like a chain around my neck, Time reminding me that I will never win this battle, that it controls me. It is an endless race against it, trying to get as much of it as I can. But I can't win. And as the hours flew past today, I lost track and didn't notice until it was too late. The time to say goodbye came too soon and I found myself looking at him, with tears in my eyes, trying to hold them back and wishing that I just had a little more time, just a little more.... But it's never enough. With him, it's never enough. I always want more, I always need more... There's still so much I haven't said, I have done. I just want to hold his hand a little longer, tell him face to face one more time that I love him, hold him just a moment longer...

But Time is out to get me. It always is and always has been. It cheats me of all the beautiful moments that I could have. It creeps up on me no matter how hard I try to defeat it. I have never hated Time more than I hate it right now and I have never felt so helpless against it... Somewhere deep inside me, I believe that I can defeat it. I know it's crazy, but I can't help it. I must defeat it and when I do, I will get that extra moment and I will hold him close to me, and tell him that I love him....

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Long Distance

My boyfriend is leaving day after tomorrow, so that means that tomorrow is our last day together. The good news is, we're going to see each other in 2 weeks and that's exciting. It'll be in a different country and we're both going to be on holiday, so it should be really really cool.

Long distance relationships are tough. I never thought it would be this hard to be honest. I knew I was getting into a long distance relationship, and that should've really stopped me from pursuing it, but I couldn't help myself. I'm glad though, because it is worth it.

It's one of those relationships that are so unbelievably passionate. It's like the air between us is charged with so much chemistry and sexual tension, the tiniest spark and everything just explodes in a frenzy. We connect on so many different levels and we're so in tune to each other. It amazing that we've only been with each other a year and a half and we don't even live in the same country and we manage to keep it alive the way we do.

I don't think it's really registering that he's leaving so soon. He's been here for two weeks and so I've kinda gotten used to him being in my daily routine. It's hard to imagine he won't be and I'll be back to the wonderful world of the internet...

This sucks... and it's so unfair....

Friday, July 2, 2010


I hate the corporate world. I hate it with a passion. There's a lot of reasons why I hate it, such as most of it ruins the environment, it's dog eat dog atmosphere, there too much politics involved... the list goes on, but what I hate the most about it, is that it makes me feel hypocritical because I'm just as money greedy as they are. I could get a more noble job, but the only thing really stopping me is that noble jobs don't pay. I try to rationalize it by saying I'm doing only what I have to do, it's because I need to buy that house that I'm dreaming of, I need to buy a new car, I need, I need, I need.... (I'm suddenly reminded by a song for Meredith Brooks that I heard sometime back in the 90's... anyway). I think as long as I don't have to think about it too much, then I'm okay. Denial is a very powerful tool after all.

One thing I do hate about the corporate world that I can't ignore is workaholics. They're freakin' everywhere! I don't understand how people don't shut off after work. Once I'm out that door, that's it, I don't think about work till the next morning. Period.

My boss is a workaholic. She's a pretty good boss but she works us to the bone. She never shuts off and she's completely obsessed with work. It's her entire life. I have a mid-year appraisal coming up and I'm really dreading it because I know what it's going to be about. It's about me not going the extra mile, not being dedicated enough, not being really involved. As a matter of fact, I don't give a crap. They don't pay me for the extra mile that I go. Unless they freakin' pay me, I'm not going to do it. Of course I have to say that I will. I'm not that high up the food chain that I can't be replaced...

I hate appraisals. Can't my manager just send me an email with what she thinks of my performance and that's that? Why must it be a lengthy discussion?

I think workaholics are bad for business. There should be a law against it because working people day and night does not make for a very motivational atmosphere...
Workaholics just make everyone who has a life look bad....