Time...

Our last day is over and it breaks my heart. Every time he leaves I feel my heart breaking and even though this time I know I'll be seeing him again very soon, I can't help it. I love him so much and just the thought of not having him around kills me. For some reason it's not really registering that I'm not going to see him tomorrow. I still feel like tomorrow I'll wake up and we'll hang out like we always do. I've gotten used to having him around.

I can feel my heart breaking while I write this. It's killing me. It seems like my endless battle with Time will never end. I've always felt that Time is my archenemy, my nemesis. All my life I have hated Time and it is always out to get me. I have never worn a watch and I never want to. A watch is like a chain around my neck, Time reminding me that I will never win this battle, that it controls me. It is an endless race against it, trying to get as much of it as I can. But I can't win. And as the hours flew past today, I lost track and didn't notice until it was too late. The time to say goodbye came too soon and I found myself looking at him, with tears in my eyes, trying to hold them back and wishing that I just had a little more time, just a little more.... But it's never enough. With him, it's never enough. I always want more, I always need more... There's still so much I haven't said, I have done. I just want to hold his hand a little longer, tell him face to face one more time that I love him, hold him just a moment longer...

But Time is out to get me. It always is and always has been. It cheats me of all the beautiful moments that I could have. It creeps up on me no matter how hard I try to defeat it. I have never hated Time more than I hate it right now and I have never felt so helpless against it... Somewhere deep inside me, I believe that I can defeat it. I know it's crazy, but I can't help it. I must defeat it and when I do, I will get that extra moment and I will hold him close to me, and tell him that I love him....