I learned something today, I have a really big mouth. I know I've always had this problem ever since school. Things just spurt out of my mouth uncontrollably and no matter how hard I try to change, I can't. I can't control the stuff that comes out of my mouth, it's like my mouth functions independently of my mind. I had written about something similar a few days ago when I was really mean to the boyfriend and today, well my big mouth got me in trouble again.
There's been lots of talk around the company about me leaving and all that jazz and I have to admit, I've indulged in office gossip and bitching but because my leaving caused such an uproar in the company, people cannot stop talking about it and they can't stop bitching to management about the decision. This of course made my soon to be ex-manager have a “talk” with me. Needless to say, I did not like the talk. There was not much to say really and I don't understand why talked to me anyway, if people are pissed off because of their actions, what am I supposed to do about it? Defend them?
The perfect course of action would to keep my mouth shut or as my boyfriend puts it, I should've gone all out. Either one would've been better than my conflict avoidance technique. I'm starting to think denial is not the answer to all my problems. The truth is I'm terrified of conflict. I just really don't like it. It freaks me out and my mind draws a complete blank and I retreat deep inside myself and I take all the shit that everyone throws my way and then in retrospect, I sit and I think of all the smart and witty things I could've said.
Anyway, there's no use bitching about it, at least she's taken time off for the holidays and that means I won't see her until it's time for me to leave work and that's the silver lining.