Count to Ten

I have one of those really bad meanstreaks in me and I usually have it quite under control but sometimes, it gets away from me. It's one of those things where I sit and zone in on areas of imperfections, sensitive areas and from there I can pick the meanest come back there is to anything. And I do it all the time, in my head, when I'm having a discussion I don't like, in my head I'm thinking of things to say that could hurt that person. I don't always say the things that run though my head, but when I do, more often than not, I regret it, because it always hits that nerve, that nerve that's sensitive, naked and raw. It's just like rubbing salt in the wound.

I did that today and I did to my boyfriend. He didn't do anything to deserve it, nothing at all and it shot out of my mouth before I could stop it. I don't even know why I said what I said, I didn't even time to think about it and now I regret it and I hate to feel that I've hurt him.

One thing I've never learned to do is keep my mouth shut, it's been one of the most difficult challenges I've faced. My mouth seems to have a mind of its own and run around blabbing all sorts of crap and getting me into all sorts of trouble. I've even tried counting to ten before letting it lose, but it just won't let me. I guess what I'm saying is, I need to work on myself more before I go around shooting arrows at people.

:(