Conformity

Conformity has never been one of my strong points. I've never really been able to be the person I was expected to be. When I was a child in school I really made an effort to stand out. I didn't want to be like everyone else. As I got older, my non-conformity got worse. I did everything, from skipping school to smoking cigarettes to becoming a goth. I gravitated towards those like me, the rebels.

I am much older now, but not much the wiser. Even though I shed my Gothic clothes, got a mainstream job and live the fairly mundane life of a conformist, I still find way to fight against the current. My current battle right now, is of course, the persistent topic of marriage.

My family is far from normal, in fact, I think they're quite dysfunctional. But from an outside point of view, we are the symbol of normality. We all have regular jobs, regular cars, live in a nice house, and we go on nice family vacations. We are one big happy family. We are happy, as long as we don't think too hard about the things that bother us.

Unfortunately, I'm not like that. I think too hard about everything. There is nothing I don't think about and being the grouch that I am, I think about the things that bother me a lot. Like I said, I'm a non-conformist. I refuse to be anyone other than who I want to be, and I refuse to do anything I don't actually want to do. One of those things happens to be marriage.

In the society I live in, a woman's success is solely based on the husband she lands. It's a status symbol and it's the ultimate goal to be reached. It's gotten so bad that if you're not married by the age of 25, you're considered a spinster. Naturally, I've over 25 and I am most definitely not married. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against getting married, I'm just against getting married for the sake of getting married.

So as a spinster, it is my apparent duty to meet the ever so attractive suitors who come to call, and oh how attractive they are. I've seen it all. I've seen the guys who were more than 10 years older than me, the divorced with kids, the fat slobs, and the mama boys. I've seen it all. Yes, it is entertaining sometimes and makes for some funny stories to tell my friends over drinks but it can get so frustrating. The worst part is, the reason all these men are incompatible with me is because I refuse to conform. It all comes back to this issue of conformity. Why can't I be like the other girls? Why can't I dress like them? Why do I have to be so loud? Why do I have to be so opinionated? Do I have to be so wild and out of control?

I suddenly feel like I'm in Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. That is of course what I am, a shrew. I am headstrong and I am stubborn. And unfortunately for the modern day Petruchio, I cannot be tamed. Reverse psychology is lost on me and hunger... well let's just say when I was told to eat my veggies or there'd be nothing else, I opted for nothing else.