Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Scapegoats

It kills me that all my life everything has always been my fault. Everything that I have ever done has been wrong.

What kills me the most is how it still gets to me. This dysfunctional psychological warfare won't stop. I know the only way to make it stop it to make my peace with it and just shut it out of my life, but I can't no matter how hard I try. All the walls I've built around me are completely useless against her. Her words always manage to find their way into my head and pierce my very soul.

She's killing me, piece by piece, bit by bit. I cannot go on this way. The prison I live in gets smaller and smaller everyday and there is no escape. I feel the walls caving in and I struggle for air, pushing myself further into a corner, trying to protect myself. I curl into a ball on the floor and the walls keep closing in. I can see them through my tears, closer and closer. The air is getting thinner, I cannot breathe. I'm getting lightheaded. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of betrayal and guilt. These feelings torment me.

All I want is to be left alone. Why won't they leave me alone....

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