Locked in my own prison

I'm in love and I have been for the past year. It's a wonderful feeling that takes over me. I daydream all time and all I can think about is us being together. It's all I want. It's like my entire being is dedicated to this one cause, to be together, to spend every waking hour together and then fall asleep in each other's arms.

I've been in love before but not like this. There is something about this love that is different. It is everything. It's calm and peaceful, it's passionate and wild, it's tempting, it's comforting, it's young and it is old. It's everything rolled into one and I cannot get over it. I believe deep in my heart, in my soul, that we will be together forever. We are one.

But this love is terrifying me. It's scares the life out of me. A love like this is so powerful and I cannot resist it. I cannot resist anything. It reduces me to a trembling mass of emotions that I cannot control. I would gladly give my life to make him smile. His happiness is all I care about and that is what scares me. That I would give away everything to make him happy, that my own existence is so inconsequential. I am terrified of losing myself.

In any relationship there is some kind of battle for power, no matter how hard couples refuse to admit it. There is always that constant power struggle and ultimately the person who cares less is the person with the power. For the life of me, I cannot figure out who cares more in this relationship, and I worry that he has the power and that he would use it for selfish reasons. Even though he has never given me reason to doubt him and doubt his intentions, there is a part of me that is really struggling to hold back, to keep a part of me hidden away, but I can't. He uncovers my soul in ways that I didn't think possible. He sees me more naked than I was the day I was born and there is nothing I can do to change that no matter how hard I try.

I need to have some kind of protection against him. He is invincible. He is all seeing, all hearing. He knows every single thought that goes through my head, every feeling in my soul, every beat of my heart. I am a prisoner of his love and I can never break free...

I am a prisoner inside myself. His love has imprisoned me and I cannot escape. It's both suffocating and comforting. The walls that I have built around myself all these years seem to crumble and fall in his presence but somehow, not having these walls is an even worse prison that the one I built for myself. I am tormented by my need to stay and my need to go....I cannot decide.... It is an impossible to decision... Can someone please help me? Help me make peace with myself?